


home is wherever the heart is

by diametrical



Series: aroha means family [2]
Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: M/M, chamoonla is mentioned, domestic AU, isn't sanha the loudest baby ever, lets play a game called spot all the references, myungjin bickering like the old married couple they are, or more accurately a modern family au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 07:19:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10962402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diametrical/pseuds/diametrical
Summary: Family feels just like fudge. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts in between(where Myungjun and Jinwoo figure out how to raise a baby from scratch)





	home is wherever the heart is

**Author's Note:**

> instead of binu, its myungjin with sanha now (yet baby!Sanha retains his character. i swear there will be more dimension to him next time) 
> 
> this series is just meant to feature all my works of them as families, and the pairings may switch up from time to time.

 

It's not a thunder clap that jolts Jinwoo awake at exactly 2 am in the morning, even though a third category hurricane is pelting his window with rain drops that sounded like bullets. 

 

What makes him backpedal over his bed is Sanha's ear-splitting _wailing_ on the baby monitor. 

 

Park Jinwoo can sleep through almost anything, anywhere. You name it; public benches, cramped subways, orientation rooms, hell even a 7.0 magnitude earthquake and he won’t budge an inch. But bringing home a fifteen pound twenty four inch baby was a game changer. 

 

From the three months since Jinwoo and Myungjun have adopted Sanha, they quickly discover he isn’t just a light sleeper; Sanha is a very heavy screamer, triggered by things ranging from thunder to a pin dropping on the floor. 

 

Jinwoo loves Sanha. He really does. But if he had to list his ten least favourite things about being a parent, dealing with a crying baby at night would be ten of them. Not to mention it’s impeccably timed during the very early mornings. 

 

Myungjun on the other hand, tolerates it better in ways Jinwoo doesn't comprehend. He’s always been obsessed with babies; when they brought Sanha home for the first time, Myungjun wouldn’t leave him alone even when he was asleep, paranoid after reading an endless supply of literature about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome; infants that spontaneously cease to breathe in deep slumber.

 

That frightening image of Sanha lying disturbingly still in bed, like he’s not breathing, haunted Myungjun for weeks. In that timeframe, he would get up several times in the middle of the night just to check whether Sanha's chest was rising and falling at regular intervals. Of course, that meant Jinwoo had to put up with this too. 

 

(“Is he breathing, Jinwoo? I’m not seeing it. Did he forget how to breathe?” “I’m sure he’s just—“ “Let’s wake him up just to be sure!”) 

 

And don’t even talk to him about the time Sanha eventually learned to roll over onto his tummy, Myungjun and Jinwoo did not have any sleep for an _entire_ week.

 

That whole phase gradually subsided as they got more used to the thought of handling a living, breathing, helpless creature in their house. Sanha's head became less of an overgrown jellybean and more normal sized with the growing onset of hair and all. He even began babbling weird sounds to no end. 

 

“He’s going to be quite the chatterbox when he grows up,” Myungjun had said, and Jinwoo had this feeling that that was going to be the biggest understatement of the year. 

 

True enough, it was. 

 

Now that Sanha is a few months older, the problem isn’t him being too quiet anymore. It’s getting him to shut up. 

 

Whatever heart melting, aww-inducing adorableness Sanha was by the day, turns into a perpetual car alarm that you can’t turn off at 3 am by night. Jinwoo is left awake at the ungodly hours, and his circadian rhythms are getting seriously fucked up with the all clockwork screaming.

 

Myungjun maybe immune to this, but JInwoo isn’t; he has to fix the spontaneous night time crying. One way or another or he’s gonna lose it. 

 

One day, he comes across the silver bullet that might just gun down their baby issue.

 

“Maybe the reason why Sanha can’t stand being alone,” Jinwoo contemplates, fingers placed thoughtfully on his chin. "Is because we never ever leave him." 

 

Jinwoo doesn't even want to say 'we’ because it’s honestly just Myungjun coddling Sanha 25/8, but it'll sound less accusatory and will make him more cooperative. 

 

“What do you propose we do then?” 

 

“Well,” Jinwoo opens up his phone to a wikipedia page. “Dongmin forwarded this article to me about ‘Ferberizing’ babies. It’s a sleep training method where umm…” he starts quoting word per word, “ _Babies are left in isolation to cry for a predetermined period of time in order to learn how to self soothe themselves instead of constantly receiving external comfort._ ”

 

 “We’re going to make Sanha, our three month old baby, cry himself to sleep.” Myungjun sums up flatly. 

 

“That’s not exactly—“

 

“That's exactly what it means,” he takes a sharp offended gasp. “And quite frankly, I’m here to tell you that that’s insanely damaging. Nope, we’ll have to pass."

 

 Jinwoo rolls his eyes. “You have better suggestions, then?” 

 

 “Isn’t co-sleeping still a thing?” 

 

“A three month old baby squished between two anarchists in bed. Yes, it’s an alternative if you’re willing to risk  _death_.” 

 

“Anything else, then!” Myungjun insists. "There is no way I’m choosing that—inhumane—brutal---psychologically traumatizing method!!!” 

 

“Well, there hasn’t been scientific evidence it’s inherently dangerous, Myungjun.” 

 

“I don’t need science telling me how to raise my kid. We mammals have our maternal instincts to rely on."

 

“Okay, here's another suggestion,” Jinwoo offers instead, along with his headache. “Why don’t we switch roles? This time, I’ll be the problem and you're gonna be the solution."

 

“Great. Either way, you’re still the asshole.”

 

After excessively bantering through the moral and psychological ramifications of the method, Jinwoo manages to clinch a deal with Myungjun; that they’ll experiment on it temporarily. A week maximum. 

 

However, it's proven a difficult feat when he realizes Myungjun is in fact, a very _very_ unreliable partner. 

 

Myungjun has one weakness when it comes to being a parent; he's too soft, and though it means he has a very big heart, it also means he's horrible at being a disciplinarian.

 

Because of that, any attempt of Ferberizing Sanha has a zero percent success rate. 

 

Whenever Sanha cries, it hits a vulnerable spot somewhere in Myungjun's chest (re: maternal instincts) and renders him completely submissive to his beck and call. There was one time Jinwoo woke up to the sound of loud wailing, only to discover it was Myungjun’s grown ass sobbing his eyes out because he wasn’t allowed to touch Sanha. 

 

This won't do. Not at all. If they were going to raise a socially independent child, Jinwoo's going to have to iron out all setbacks, even if it means he's going to have to Ferberize Myungjun too. 

 

“There’s something wrong with you; that the sound of our child in distress doesn’t bother you at all." Myungjun had said when Jinwoo caught him once in the middle of the night smuggling Sanha out of the nursery. Jinwoo frowned at that, because of course it's hard for Jinwoo to ignore his own child crying for him. His heart isn't made out of stone, thank you very much. But between him and Myungjun, they'll be damned if he doesnt step up to be the solid rock in the family who keeps systems in place. 

 

“He is not in distress. You’re just getting him used to a bad habit," Jinwoo rebutted, "All you're teaching him is that every time he cries, his daddy will come for him and cuddle with him."

 

“I deeply _apologize_ if I just happen to be a person who hates hearing another person suffer!”

 

Jinwoo hardly bats an eyelid. “All I’m asking is for you to let him be independent for once.” 

 

“He’s three months and a half, not ready to rent out an apartment complex!" 

 

 

~O~

 

 

JInwoo wouldn’t ever give him credit, but Myungjun is a self proclaimed bonafide maternal figure.

 

Though he did act immature and childish in his youth, adopting Sanha completely changed him. He says it to Jinwoo several times, it's like his life had been divided in two phases; the era before they adopted Sanha, and the era after. It’s like this entire time, he’s been living in darkened limbo, but the newfound responsibility for someone other than himself enlightened him to a new sense of purpose in this world. 

 

So the night when Jinwoo gave final instructions to leave Sanha alone in the dead of the night, Myungjun knew in his heart it was wrong. So wrong. How could he? Just like any mother, Myungjun is solid in his instincts in coddling his own offspring. The minute he heard the poor, soft whimpers of his child through the hollow walls,  _crying, calling out for him, e_ very molecule in his body fires up with one and only one desire alone. 

 

He needs to be with Sanha. 

 

Myungjun looks over his shoulder to see Jinwoo’s sleeping figure covered by the blankets. Once he’s sure he’s sound asleep, Myungjun stealthily rolls off the bed, distributing his weight evenly in order not to disturb his husband. He crawls his way to the door and into the living room where he spots the door to Sanha’s room is slightly ajar. 

 

“Midnight snack?”

 

Myungjun backpedals with the reflex of a wild gazelle the instant he sees Jinwoo, relaxing on the couch and sipping on his coffee. “How did you—I thought you were—"

 

“Those were pillows.” he sighs, disappointed Myungjun actually fell for the oldest trick in the book. “Just how long are you going to keep this up, Myungjun?" 

 

"I'm like a mother bear, okay?" He starts gravitating inconspicuously to the nursery room. "If I hear my cub crying I have to run to him---"

 

Jinwoo points an accusatory finger to cut him off. “The whole point of Ferberizing is to teach Sanha to put himself to sleep and you keep ruining it!”

 

Sanha, disturbed by the raised voices, cries a bit more loudly, a bit more desperate. Myungjun opts for a distraction. “Raccoons broke into Bin and Dongmin’s house last night and stole a loaf of bread.” 

 

The skin on Jinwoo's forehead wrinkles tenfold. “Your point?”

 

“That we left Sanha’s window open a crack, those raccoons need some meat to go between that bread, and THAT is his ‘help me!’ cry.” Myungjun sprints towards the nursery in lightning speed. “I’m coming, Sanha!” 

 

Before Myungjun could get past, Jinwoo stamps himself against the door as a roadblock. Myungjun attempts a gymnastic stance. “I will sweep your legs and bring you down.” 

 

“Try me."

 

 

 

~O~

 

 

_Ten minutes later_. 

 

 

“Ow, ow oW STOP!” Myungjun jumps in reflex from the searing pain on his leg that Jinwoo’s treating with an antiseptic. 

 

“The fact that I didn’t even touch you and you still managed to hurt yourself is quite impressive.” Jinwoo sighs resignedly as he swabs the cotton on the wounded area. “You know, you didn’t have to go as far as jumping on me and landing on the coffee table.” He looks at the broken shards of glass on the floor. “Damn it, we just baby-proofed this place.”

 

Myungjun scoffs. "Honestly, this wouldn’t have happened if you had just let me go to Sanha.“

 

Jinwoo makes a sound of resentment. “You know why you can’t.”

 

"No, no I don't!" Myungjun violently shakes his head. "Why is it so hard for you to understand the bond between Sanha and me?” 

 

At that moment, Jinwoo stops moving, cotton swab hanging a few centimeters from Myungjun’s leg as a deep thought settles over his mind. In a low voice, he replies. “No, I get it. I can’t possibly know Sanha as well as you do.” 

 

For some reason, he says it to the same effect of dropping a nuclear bomb that Myungjun is taken aback. “That’s not what I meant I—Okay, Jinwoo what the hell was that supposed to mean?” 

 

Instead of elaborating, Jinwoo frowns, and decides to just dismiss it altogether. “Never mind, it’s stupid.“ He dismisses, but his mouth had gone dry noticeably, bottom lip white around the edges where he was biting it, and Myungjun’s much too observant for things like that. What Jinwoo had said about him and Sanha lingered in the air, and he suddenly had this strong inkling that the core of his wallowing was said in between those lines. Thank god he knew Jinwoo well enough to notice it.

 

“Jinwoo, what’s the matter?”

 

He only shakes his head. “Nothing. It’s nothing."

 

“Mhmm. I'm not buying it."

 

“Look, forget I said anything, okay?” He waves the cotton swab around defiantly. “It was a random thought. Let’s just leave it at that."

 

“Fine,” Myungjun relents with a purpose. “I suppose you don’t have to share your feelings with me. I mean we already share a house….a life….a _son_ —“

 

“Ohmygod, alright, fine." He finally deflates. "Jeez, you don't give up do you?” He sits up, collecting his resolve. “It's just that I—I get a little jealous sometimes.” 

 

“Of what?” 

 

“Of you.”

 

“Of who?”

 

“You.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yeah, you...and Sanha. ” He admits with a whisper, a bit ashamed to say it out loud. He settles more comfortably in his chair. “You're always together. You know him like the back of your hand and he depends on you for everything. When he cries, he always looks for you.” Jinwoo looks at him, something akin to a kicked puppy. "And I think…I think he never once looked for me."

 

Myungjun opens his mouth to contest this, but Jinwoo isn’t finished. 

 

“Thing is," he adds, putting the antiseptic away and settling his hands on his thighs. “I sort of get why. I mean, I'm not always home. I’m rarely there for those milestone moments. I don't have as much time to spend with him and when I do, all he wants to do is be with you.”

 

"That's not true,” Myungjun points out, but Jinwoo shakes his head again, expression bitter and grim. 

 

“This is what worries me; I can’t help but picture things ten months, ten years or even decades from now, where Sanha’s all grown up. And he’s gonna look at us both, and see only one person who’s been there for him all this time.” 

 

It’s true. Jinwoo had every right to be upset because the lifestyle they’ve set up to be able to support a child placed him in the shoes of an awol father. He didn’t want that kind of reputation. He wanted to be able to show up at every opportunity life would provide for his son; first word, first walk, first anything. Those formative moments were crucial to every parent, but he gets too busy at times he can’t stay long enough for that. It’s straight up unfair. 

 

“Sanha just prefers being with you. This whole Ferberizing thing only proves that.” He finally ends, head cast down.

 

There’s a filler of silence that sat between them for sometime, and it made Jinwoo nervous, even afraid of the way Myungjun might look at him after this. The tension lifts from the air when Myungjun takes his palms and twines their fingers. 

 

“Park Jinwoo.” Myungjun pulls his chin to make him look up, stares intently into his eyes and says with conviction, “First of all, it’s cute that you think you know what’s going on in Sanha’s head because Sanha’s barely a conscious being. He doesn’t play favorites, only prefers the one who’s more used to holding the milk bottle. Second of all, it’s not your fault you don’t see him as often as I do. See, back then, I knew you loved working and producing music but somebody had to stay at home and take care of Sanha. So I dropped my cards and quit my job.

 

Because of that, I assumed I was the one making a huge sacrifice. I assumed I was the one delivering a bigger end of the bargain. I assumed all that when it was really you all along, Jinwoo.

 

You had to do double the jobs, double the shifts. You couldn’t come home when Sanha’s awake.” Myungjun sighs defeatedly. "You made the sacrifice I couldn’t. And I know it feels like you put work before us, but it doesn’t make you any less of a parent. You do so much for us, and you deserve more than what you get in return." He lets his thumb rest beneath Jinwoo's tired eyes, rubbing them in soothing circles. 

 

"As for Sanha, well, he may not understand it now, but at the end of the day, he's going to look at you and see nothing but a hardworking father he loves very,  _very much_ ,” he says the last words so softly on his lips, whispering it with all the underlying meaning in his heart.  “Just as much as I do.”

 

Although Jinwoo wants to be upset, wants to lash out and let his petty sentiments surface and get the best of him, he can’t help the smile that reaches up his eyes, and doesn’t refuse the gentle hands Myungjun lays on his cheek and the kiss he presses to his lips. 

 

“That would be ideal, but--” Jinwoo says after pulling away with a smack. “If you really do want to extend an olive branch, you need to promise me two things."

 

Myungjun promptly vows to anything. 

 

“One—you have to trust me with Sanha me at the very least. You don’t even leave him alone with me, and it doesn’t count when you’re standing within five feet.”

 

“I don’t do it on purpose, you idiot,” he retorts, playfully slapping Jinwoo’s chest. "The reason why I can’t stop holding Sanha is because there’s only a matter of time before he grows up and he doesn’t want to be held anymore.” He admits with a whiny, pitiful voice. "They’re only this small for so long and I just wanted to keep it this way as long as I can.” 

 

“All the more reason for me to get my time with him. I’m barely home you know.” Jinwoo points out. 

 

“Okay, fine. I promise.” Myungjun swears with his palm raised. "And the other one?"

 

“Two—“ he continues. "I can’t be the only one making the rules here. It makes me look like I’m the frowny, grumpy, lesson teach-y dad. You have to learn how to play the bad cop at times.” 

 

Myungjun blinks slowly at him. “Hey, you know what, I can be good at playing the bad cop,” he says confidently, “I’ll always make him eat his vegetables.” 

 

"And dentist appointments.” Jinwoo adds. 

 

“Hey that’s too—ugh fine. Just as long as _you_ make him practice guitar lessons.” 

 

“Deal.” 

 

And Jinwoo pulls him in for another long, lingering kiss to seal that contract between them. Indeed, communication is definitely the foundation of all happy marriages.  

 

“Hey, do you notice something?” Myungjun asks when the kisses start traveling from his ear down his neck. 

 

Jinwoo looks up and narrows his eyes. “It’s gotten...unbelievably quiet.” It was the only surviving indicator that Sanha must have fallen asleep. Their unexpected fight distracted them long enough for the Ferber's method to do its wonders. 

 

They both laugh at this discreetly, relishing the peaceful atmosphere. 

 

“You wanna get back to our room?” Myungjun asks with a suggestive grin, something Jinwoo has long missed and hasn't seen in forever.

 

“The last time you looked at me like that, we didn’t get out of bed all day.”

 

Myungjun cheekily pulls him inside. 

 

“As long as you keep quiet.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> binu+rocky might become a separate companion fic, if you guys want to see their side of the story! 
> 
> @leedeermin if u wanna holla


End file.
